The talk previously about dead ends and cakes got me thinking. I've ridden the local Nine Roads to Nowhere route before, but most of them would only be roads to nowhere if in a car, or indeed on a road bike which the route was devised for. Most of them do continue, albeit as bridleways, I should also say that the catchy name is a bit misleading as all of them lead somewhere and 8 of them lead to somewhere quite interesting-ish.
I didn't plan an exact route but did have a look at the map to get their relative locations in my head and decide on the order. I also purchased the necessary cakes beforehand, making them myself was a step to far. The weather forecast looked good, other than the 40 to 60mph headwind I'd have for the first 20 miles but I could try and keep to the sheltered bits, so bike packed and off we go.
Road 1 is St Georges Lane which leads up to St Georges Down, at the end of the tarmac is the golf club. The road continues on as a byway but there is a seasonal closure. I rode up the byway from Arreton stopping for the first cake at some handily placed giant concrete lego bricks.
Any guesses as who chose the cakes?
From here is was down the road from somewhere to Newport, where cleverly cutting down a dead end road (for cars) and between the bollards that stop it being used as a rat-run enabled me to get across town without having to go through it. Up the Tennyson trail and back into the countryside. I spotted a sheep up ahead upside down in the wheel rut with its legs in the air. I thought I'd just be rolling it over and it would be on its way but I was too late, as was the sheep, as it was deceased, and for good measure the birds had pecked it's eyes out. I was passing the nearest farm on my way anyway so stopped to let them know. The said it the sheep weren't theirs but they'd give the shepherd a call. I joined the next road to nowhere part way up so that left the steepest bit to go.
Rowridge Mast, a bit windy (Ralph blew of the bars to start with) but I bet they get good TV reception.
This is actually how they receive the tv pictures and then beam then on again with this
From the forecast I knew the next section would be hard as I'd be riding into the wind all the way, off road would follow the ridge and be exposed so I opted for the road. After a long slow slog of 11 miles directly into the wind we arrived at the Needles Battery. The most westerly point of the Island it always seems to be a headwind on the way here, it's just a matter of how strong
Sat in the sun and sheltered from the wind by the gun emplacement it was actually quite nice, I could of sat there for hours but there was a long way to go yet as this was only road 3/9. I would have the wind mainly on my back from now on so that should speed things up. I rode back along the Tennyson trail to stay off road as much as possible. In the forest a shower quickly became a hail storm, luckily someone had planted a bike rack which made getting my waterproof out of the seat pack easy.
The long slog up the strava segment aptly named The Never Ending Fireroad, which is acutaly less than a mile long but the longest here so I guess whoever names it has never been to Scotland. Down past the IOW Mountain Bike Centre and passing a weird 3 wheeled tractor thing that was applying liquid cow muck to the grass and the dropping down the road at Shorewell Shute so I could ride up the concrete access road to the next Nowhere.
The Chillerton Radio mast. Amongst the security measures is strobe lighting
Presumably to keep out epileptics, it won't discourage the ravers?
From here I could have gone up past the Hoy Monument (Crimean War not the Scottish track cyclist) but I knew after the recent rain it would just be pushing uphill in the mud, so nipped round the road and went up the next Road to Nowhere which is tarmac. This one is a bit of an odd one out of the 9 as although when the tarmac ends there's a house it doesn't seem to fit with the others, added in to make up the 9? Eight Roads to Nowhere doesn't have the same ring to it.
The track does continue on as a bridleway so that made it easy for me to get to the next stop.
St Catherine's Lighthouse. This is the only one you ride down to the end of the road, all the others are up to start with.
It doesn't look very steep in the picture, and overall it isn't too bad, but as it runs through a landslip it's not a constant gradient and it's also not very good tarmac. Every so often a shift in the ground has created a 25% to 30% ramp, maybe only for 25m but enough to break the rhythm. Luckily I'd anticipated a lack of fitness and brought the bike with gears which helped.
Form here it was along Undercliff Drive, a bonus road to nowhere as it was cut in half by a landslip.
This use to be a main road but now there is a section of bridleway in the middle. More climbing up St Lawrence Shute and up through Week Farm heading or Stenbury Down. The farm is now a SSE yard so a bonus 70 plate Unimog
With the crane on the back that's probably somewhere between £170k and £200k? No wonder my electric bill is so high.
At the top of the climb a friendly walker held the gate open for me so no resting to get my breath back and straight along the ridge to the next Nowhere.
Another radio station mast. I now rode down the Road to Nowhere, which also happens to be the steepest tarmac road on the Island, due to the loose chippings, potholes and weird camber it's not much fun. On to Ventnor and a famous climb, well it's in volume 2 of the road climbs book, number 123 Down Lane. It's not to bad if you can swing out wide at the turns but an oncoming car meant I had to stick to my side of the road and go up the steep inside of a hairpin turn, luckily it was dry, in the wet even seated the wheel will spin. Along the ridge and we arrive at Nowhere number 8, the former RAF Ventnor
I thought it had only been bombed on one occasion but I could be wrong, maybe 'repeatedly bombed' means by more than one plane. The road carries on as a dirt track to a gravel car park
I then followed the ridge to the left and turned off down a bridleway. I had run up it recently so I knew it had deteriorated. I rode down it this time last year on the Spearfish and was blown away how fast I could go compared to the rigid singlespeed. The winter of heavy rain has new made it dangerous even at walking pace as I picked my way round boulders and bits of tree. Down the road to the Old Village, always a favuorite as I can make the 30 mph warning sign light up. I dropped down the seafront to head along the revetment to Sandown and was rewarded with tripple rainbow, well just the ends as the main bit was in the clouds. The end now in sight it was up to Culver which would be 9/9
It looked nice over Bembridge and St Helens way
But looking a bit more ominous the way I'd be going. It chucked it down on the way to the bivi and by the time I arrived it was also dark. Got the tarp/tent up (which is it? When I did a test pitch in the garden and then put the inner in Jane said "That's a tent?" so with the inner I guess it is) and got in and cooked some dinner. I've not done any big rides for a while so the 65 miles 7400 feet had left me a touch tired so I was asleep by 9. It dropped to 5 degrees in the night, my bag has a comfort rating of 3 but I was still a bit chilly and I had changed into dry base layers and had my Ghost Whisperer on so I recon I need to remember to take a bag which is rated 4 or 5 degrees colder than the forecast in future.
Took these in the morning to see how it blends in, not that it matters in my Mum's garden (in my covid bubble so 100% legit) but with luck it might be in other woodlands soon. When I walked down towards the bottom of the garden to see what it looked like from a distance I found this
It's a hawthorn tree in a pot. As my dad passed away 8 years ago then unless Reg has been round with his guerrilla saplings then it's been waiting all that time to be planted out. Bit of a task with a toilet trowel so I went back in the afternoon and did it. Back at the tent there was one last thing to do
Surprise ceremony to present Ralph with his Four Season Legion badge
Then I only had to pack up and it was less than a mile home.
That's 3/12 this year for me, 12 in a row for Ralph
Edit
Oh, and in case anyone thinks I cheated
I did eat 9 Cadbury's Cake Bars, my bag before I left.
. To be honest, it was just sheer convenience/ laziness on my part. And it tipped me out once, as I first got into it, having carefully sorted out all my layers 
) so I guess he's happy. He's certainly hanging on very tight to his one!
. Maybe what happened was the empty pot was already there and the sapling grew up through it by some amaaaaazing coincidence 
