Nice one Rich. (Just noticed BDS in your first pic doing a cracking impression of James Herriot on his seatpack!!). Yes I think we could call this one “Carry On Cleo-bury”, or maybe “Cafe Raiser” (how many cafes can you raise in a weekend?)....
Arrived at Kidderminster after a jolly train ride through the back-end of Brummie, and yes Rich and Steve had already succumbed to the Lure Of The Cafe! Either a good start or not a good start depending on your view of cafes. We only got about 2 miles down the canal before the conversation took a turn for the absurd (l know, admittedly it’s usually earlier than that), when I mentioned that I’d rescued a roe deer in our park that had got stuck under a fence because it didn’t know how to reverse back out. Steve claimed that conversely badgers could go backwards. He also claimed that he’d been to a badger race – or something like that. I wondered whether they actually race backwards, which would be an interesting sight.
Rich had carefully explained that going the canal route saved an enormous hill between Kiddie and Bewdley, but half way along we diverted through some woods and – up an enormous hill

. Which looked down onto the other not-quite-so-enormous hill. An excellent start to the lunacy of the weekend! As mentioned, there was no way we could miss the Riverside Cafe, although the pricing structure was a bit unusual with a full breakfast apparently costing about the same as a coffee.
Cafe # 1:
Cafe # 2:
Onwards into the Wyre Forest, with a diversion to cafe number 2 (number 3 in Rich and Steve’s case of course), followed by lots of bimbling around the trees and exceptionally muddy trails. Our route planning consisted of popping into cafes to plan, but then not making any actual decisions until each path junction. Worked admirably to be honest.
A particularly gloopy bit of woodland brought us to the view over the girls boarding school. I desperately searched on the map for a public ROW through the grounds but sadly they’d obviously anticipated this and there were none at all, although I’m sure I spotted George Cole hiding in the bushes (probably only me that remembers the original St Trinians...). There was a surprising amount of snow still dotting the area, including one drift that Steve used as a slide a few times, while I built a “snow panda” at the bottom which luckily survived Steve’s toboggan impressions. At one point Steve managed to take his skullcap off apparently without removing his helmet which is a pretty clever trick - presumably a bit like that party trick where you can remove your undercrackers without taking your trousers off, not that I've tried that one personally. Pickers pointed out that I must go to a different type of party than the ones he does.....
The world’s most complex bridleway sign (shades of the Cheshire Cat: “which way? That all depends a good deal on where you want to get to.....”). The girls boarding school in our case....
For some reason we seemed to be completely knackered by Stottesdon and managed to un-avoid the pub there although we still had a way to go, so in we went for a spot of dinner, not departing again until well after dark. Rich was well provided for, as he said the menu featured all five of his all-time-favourite puddings -
incompetently I am unable to relate exactly what they were, but one was definitely sticky toffee pudding. The last few miles were hard work, weighed down with sticky toffee pudding etc, and the drag up Brown Clee in the drizzle was fairly challenging. As Rich says, we forsook the pondside bivi. It’s rumoured there’s a Wellington bomber at the bottom of it or something, and I’m sure I also saw an arm sticking up out of the water holding a sword aloft. Best to press on really to the woods near the top, next to the spooky old farm building.
Not a bad night’s kip with owls, and Steve says also a band of drummers (?), serenading us. Our cafe-locating skills did indeed desert us next morning, two in Ditton Priors closed, and also the one at Cleobury North – although the shop was open and surely the bloke had an operational kettle and some cups? In between was an interesting diversion into the old military storage depot, and a cracking outdoor toilet sampled by Pickers. Unfortunately the high fencing to keep people out also kept us in and prevented access to a shortcut bridleway. Ho hum.
The return route was through various little villages towards the Severn, at which point we decided to call it a day and catch the steam train back to Kidderminster. The guard was fairly baffled by the filthy bikes and wondered if they could be cleaned before storage in his van – we assured him they were in that state after they’d already
been cleaned. A final pot of tea in Kidderminster buffet before my train brought my cafe total up to the same as Rich and Steve, so honour was saved there, followed by a leisurely train home. The train was packed but strangely the three seats around me remained unfilled for the whole journey. I can only imagine they had been reserved by people who didn’t turn up.......
‘R’
[ 3/3, my "Silver Jubilee" contiguous BaM, 32 total ]