Hard as nails or soft as …..

Are you a hardcore adventurer or a lightweight liteweight? The questions below have been compiled by a panel of experts in a field … simply answer each question, keep a tally of your score (points at the side of each answer) and see how you fared at the end.

Have you ever slept in a bus shelter?
• Of course -1
• Once – 2
• Surely there must be a hotel nearby – 3

When fitting tyres, do you?
• Use you hands and teeth – 1
• Require 1 tyre lever – 2
• Need 2 or more tyre levers and assistance – 3

You need to cross a knee deep river, do you?
• Put your bike over you shoulder and wade in – 1
• Remove your shoes / socks and wade in – 2
• Spend 2 hours searching for a bridge before turning round and going home – 3

Gravy on chips?
• Do they come without? – 1
• Sometimes – 2
• That’s disgusting – 3

Are firelighters?
• Like arsonists – 1
• Matches and paper – 2
• The only possible way of lighting a fire – I assume – 3

Tarps are?
• Handy if the weather’s really bad – 1
• Handy if the weather’s really good – 2
• Used for covering logs and trailers – 3

How long have you continually worn the same clothes for?
• A week or so – 1
• 24 – 48 hours – 2
• I once managed a full afternoon in 1997 – 3

Nutrition for endurance rides should mainly consist of?
• Processed pork and pastry products – 1
• A mix of ‘good carbs’ and protein – 2
• Bars, powders and gels – 3

While riding, do you replenish your water from?
• A stream, river or puddle – 1
• A tap – 2
• A plastic bottle purchased from a shop – 3

Hike-a-bike is?
• An integral part of any good ride – 1
• A necessary evil – 2
• Something you don’t find on waymarked, graded trails – 3

Lycra is?
• Something they make woman’s clothes from – 1
• Best worn underneath something else – 2
• What I wear at spinning class – 3

You walk into the cafe and order?
• A pint of tea – 1
• A cup of coffee – 1
• A skinny Latte with swirls on top – 3

Can you use a spoke key?
• Yes – 1
• To a degree but I’m not great – 2
• For what? – 3

As a minimum requirement, a bicycle capable of being ridden off road should have?
• Wheels – 1
• Wheels, gears and brakes – 2
• 6″ of suspension front and rear – 3

How long is a big day in the saddle?
• 18 hours or more – 1
• Anything over 10 hours – 2
• 2 hours plus driving time – 3

Are you up to it?

How did you do?

15 – 17 points – A true adventurer or possibly a nutter? Your gung-ho attitude can lead to some memorable trips but it can also result in unnecessary hardship … particularly for anyone with you. Motto: ‘Death or Glory’

18 – 28 points – You’ve probably been at ‘this’ for quite a while, so you know what works for you and what doesn’t. You’re comfortable on your own and believe you’re prepared to deal with whatever gets thrown at you … as long as it isn’t slugs. Motto ‘Knowledge is power’

29 – 38 points – You enjoy the great outdoors and riding, so combining the 2 makes perfect sense. However, you don’t see any point in suffering and if there’s an easier option on offer you’ll often talk yourself into taking it. … pub, B&B, taxi, etc. Motto ‘Life’s too short’

39 – 45 points – You love the idea of bikepacking but you’d prefer it with the rough edges removed. Until they are, you’ll only go out when you know conditions will be perfect …  you only usually get 2 nights a year. Motto ‘Toughen up buttercup’

Pic – Jack Thurston.